TheRhythmCouncil.com

TheRhythmCouncil.com

 Before You Love Me

Some,  not all, marriages  these days seem to be unfulfilled  after a while  since the  day  the couple tied the  knot. This leads  to  an  unhappy relationship between  husband  and wife and  may lead to a  separation  or  a divorce. Even though marriage vows say  ‘till death  do  us  part’ couples  are separating all  the time.

‘Before  You Love Me’ is a helping  hand  to  people  before  they  marry,  or  are married  but need a  little  help.

This is an illustration of what can  be  done  before  your  relationship  gets  to  the point  where you  want  to  wed.

When you  prepare a  table for  you and  another person to eat, you  clear the table  then  put on it only what is needed.  Lets  say if you  were  having  fish  and chips, you  wouldn’t  put bleach in the  cups  to  drink down with the  food  would you? No that would  be  ridiculous. Not  only  would it taste  disgusting  it  may even kill the  one who  drinks  it.

This illustration is to show you, not  to  bring anything unnecessary  into  your  relationship  that  would  harm  your  today and  your  future. The  table is your relationship.  Not only should you  not bring  the bleach to the  table but  if  it  is  there then you  can remove it before someone  drinks  it  and gets hurt.

The  bleach  could be a  miserable attitude,  still loving your ex,  constantly   arguing or anything that you  have  to  deal  with and  come  to  terms with,  within  yourself. You  have  to  deal with this personally because  it  is  not your partners fault  you have these  problems. If it is your partners fault  then  you both have to get  it  out of your relationship and  throw it away.  If  you don’t  truly love the  person  you are  going to marry, question why  you want to marry  them. The  top of the  chart in a  relationship  is  love. If  you are  already married  you  can still  work  on  the relationship and  make  it  great.

The  truth is,  you can  change  these feelings or attitudes  you have.  You do want a  happy marriage don’t  you?  Then  these issues must be taken  off you  like  an  old coat that is too  tight, throw  it  away  and don’t  try to squeeze  into  it  again.  What  happened  yesterday was  yesterday’s  mess. Today  is  a new  day,  a new  start,  a new  beginning for  you.  What  you have had  is  past  experiences (or  old clothes).  They  have  absolutely  no  place in your relationship (wardrobe) you  now have with your partner. If you  wish, you  can write  down  today’s  date  and say  within  yourself, “I am a  new person from this date (with  new clothes  that fit  nicely).”

Now  you are  sorted  out and  prepared  to  move  on, we can  now go to what you  should  and  should  not expect.

Expect and  show  for each other  love, peace, honesty, trust, kindness,  reliability,  patience,  understanding,  protection, truth  and comfort. Keep no record of past wrongs. Expect to sort out  every problem. How  you do this is by communicating. It is so easy.  One at a  time, listen to what the  other has  to  say then the  other one  can  speak.  If  you have a  problem with not  admitting that you  were  wrong then the  relationship may  not be at ease.  If  you can  listen  and accept the  truth with an open mind,  your  relationship  will  flow  as  calm  as  a still  river.  Whoever is right  should not  be  arrogant  in  victory.  There is  not one  person on earth  who is always right. Just leave  it at that and don’t gloat.  

Now, the  things  you should not expect. 

A  big house, holidays every  month,  2 BMW’s, everything to be how  you want it and  nothing  else, to be happy  that  you are  having  an  affair, everything that shops  have  to  sell, constant sport  on  the TV to act  as  your  remedy  for your happiness...... 

The  problem when some people get  married is that they expect too  much. And  what  some  couples  expect  are just material things.  Put your brakes on for just a  moment. When  you expect something  and don’t  get it,  you become disappointed.  How high the  level of expectation  is, the  greater disappointment you  will  feel.

Let’s  say you  have  just  married a  millionaire.  You are  expecting expensive  or  a lot  of  things aren’t you? One  day the  stock market crashes  and the  millionaire loses  everything. Even if the  millionaire promised to give you  this  and that,  there will be absolutely no way  you  will  get it now.   What  do  you do?  Divorce,  because you  will  be  upset?  If you  do  get  a divorce  in  this  situation,  then  it  is  obvious that you  married the  money and  not the  person.  Remember  those words  “Till DEATH  do  us  part,”  not,  “When you  lose  your  money  we  must  surely  part  as  soon  as  possible  for it is very embarrassing for  me  for I  want everything I  expected  to  have.”

No no no.  As  I said before,  high  expectations  lead  to  certain disappointment in this case.  Firstly, only expect the  things  I mentioned  before. These  are emotional  and spiritual  foundations  which should stand  firm  as  the strength of the  relationship. Anything else like a  big  house,  BMW,  etc.  should  only  be  seen  as  added bonuses  for both of you. You  may not  always  have  a big  house or an expensive  car.  You could  lose  all your belongings in a  fire.  What  is  most  important is that you  have  each  other.  You can  rebuild everything again  and  even  make  life  twice as better than before. 

The  marriage  union is the  beginning of a  great life between  two people.  Whatever  you say  to each other  or  how you  treat each other  is  like  a drawn  out plan of how  your  life  will  be built. If all  what  you do and  say brings happiness  to  the marriage then the  wall  of  love  will be built  higher  and stronger.  If  what  is  being said and  done  is  negative, like constant arguing, not  talking things through, unnecessary  mood  swings, etc. then the  building  of  the marriage may  cease.  If  the building does not  continue, after  a while, a  bulldozer or a  divorce  may knock  it  down. It may  be  reduced to rubble leaving  the two  of  you to pick up the  pieces  and go and  build with someone  else  somewhere else.

Alternatively, you  can both start  again with each other, but  why let  it  reach this stage  when you  could have been happy  in  the first place? If the  building  stops,  find  out what the  problem  is, like how  I mentioned  before, and  then  continue  building.

Never have an affair.  You must realize  that  the one  who you  have  married is your partner, lover  and your friend.  You don’t  need  to  go  out of the  relationship  to  look  for these  people.  If  your  lives seem to become routine  then  why not  try something  different.  You could  try different  food, go on a  holiday or dress  up  and have some private  fun with each other. You  could even go to a  restaurant  that  you have never  been  to  before  or  simply  order  a pizza  and eat  ice cream  and relax  all evening.

Don’t  give  the excuse of “I just can’t  find  the time.” I  didn’t  want  to  go  down  this  road  but  I have heard  many  times when a  partner of someone  had died,  they wished that they had  made  more  time  for their  partner.  It  is  a case of “You don’t  know  what  you have got  until it’s gone,” so make time.  You and  your  partner are  worth sharing  good  times.

I  must  mention this.  For ladies who  are reading  this, I  suggest if your man  asks  you “What  is  wrong”  don’t say,  “You  should  know.”  A man  could guess  all night and  never get  the  right answer.  It  also  makes you  even  more  upset because  he  has not  got the  right answer after  all those  guesses.  Simply  just  tell  him what the  problem is when he asks the  first  time. Its  much  quicker and  you can  be  at  ease  sooner  rather  than  later. 

Men, try  to  avoid giving your wife the  silent  treatment.  Women may  not understand   the reason for  that  quiet moment you  need. Simply explain  that  you need to just chill out  for a  while  and you  will  speak with her  in  a moment.  Ladies, don’t  force the  issue,  just  give  him  some  time  to  clear his  thoughts.

For  both  the man  and the woman, a  compliment  or  appreciation  for something  for either of you  goes  a long way. Its  nice  to  have  something good said to you  when  you have made an effort.  It  does  not cost anything and  it  keeps the  happiness flowing  nicely.

I  have  reached the  end of this message  for those  who are  contemplating marriage and  are already  married.  I hope this has  helped  you.  You can  search  out what will improve  your  relationship for  yourself  as  you know your partner  a lot  more. Get  to  know  your  partner more.  Listen, talk and show the love that is already in you.

No part of this written work is permitted to be copied or reproduced in any form without permission from the author.
© 2009 Copyright Protected